


The Birthday Boyfriend

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Young Americans [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Family, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-14
Updated: 2012-11-14
Packaged: 2017-11-18 15:09:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“There is no upper hand in a relationship when you're 13 years old.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Birthday Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in the same universe as Crazy for this Girl. I don’t have a title for this universe because I have no idea how much I'm going to write. I wrote this for Joe Mantegna’s 65th birthday today. The Dave in this story is a bit younger than that.

“Mother, I have no idea what to buy him. I don’t even like him.”

“If you didn’t like him then we wouldn’t be here.”

“Well I don’t like him that much.” Erin shrugged. “He's alright I guess.”

“Write that in the birthday card sweetheart.” Joanna Strauss smiled. “It'll go over perfectly.”

“I forgot I had to get him a card too. This is so hard. How do people do this all the time?”

“It doesn’t have to be hard.” she put her hands on Erin’s shoulders. “Take a deep breath; in and out just like that. Just remember to focus on the most important thing.”

“What's that?” Erin asked.

“It’s just a gift for a boy who’s alright…not a big deal.”

“Well he's not insignificant Mother.” the 13 year old seemed horrified by Joanna’s flippancy. “He's not my boyfriend or anything; we've been arguing about this back and forth for some time now. But he is more than alright. I guess.”

“There's nothing wrong with admitting it.”

“I don’t want to give him the upper hand.”

“There is no upper hand in a relationship when you're 13 years old.”

“There's always an upper hand. That’s the way of the world…someone has to be on top.”

“With you and David Rossi there will absolutely be no on top.” Joanna said.

“Eww Mother, I wasn’t talk about sex.” Erin shivered. “Eww.”

“I'm just checking.”

“Don’t check anymore. Let’s just get this gift.”

“What does David like?” her mother asked.

“Um, he likes himself. He likes me; at least he says he does. He likes classic cars, books about killers, and things like that. I did hear him say once that _Pet Sounds_ was arguably the best American album ever made. He said it possibly ran neck and neck with _Blonde on Blonde_ and _Bookends_.”

“And he's turning 14?”

“I want to say he's brilliant but if he ever heard me say it I’d never hear the end of it. If I bought him _The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers_ and that tee shirt I saw with Charlie Starkweather’s mug shot on it would that be creepy weird?”

“It would be a little weird sweetie.” Joanna nodded.

“Good, then that’s what I want to do.”

“Barnes and Noble here we come. Where did you see the tee shirt?”

“It was at The Empire.” Erin turned to walk in the direction of the tee shirt shop.

“Erin?” her mother trailed behind her just a bit. The Anne Klein window display called to her.

“Yes Mother?”

“David likes serial killers?”

“He's not weird…well not that kind of weird. He's more into investigation like how they’re caught, where they screwed up, and things like that. He talks about things like modus operandi, signature, and all these different terms. It’s like being obsessed with vampires because you're a slayer. The killers don’t gross him out but he would never glorify that junk.”

“But you're going to buy him a Charles Starkweather tee shirt?”

“Its irony, Mother.” Erin looked at her mother. “The sad part is that most people won't even recognize him. David says that while he was television’s first spree killer he didn’t have the staying power of a Manson, Bundy, or Ramirez. People just don’t want to know their history.”

“I think I'm going to get you some new hobbies.”

“My schedule is already packed really tight. But you don’t have to worry about my becoming a serial killer or anything. It’s incredibly rare for women. When we murder in numbers its most likely family members or loved ones. The usual reasons are greed, lust, or jealousy. There are exceptions of course…I'm speaking generally.”

“Sweetie, I think your father and I need to meet David.” Joanna walked into the store with Erin. They went right over to the Starkweather tee shirt. It was sold in black, white, and gray.

“If you do that doesn't mean that he's my boyfriend, does it?”

“No. We know all of your friends. This will be no different than that.”

“OK.”

Erin grabbed a black tee shirt. She was headed to the register when she passed a bunch of cards. Stopping, Erin looked at them. There was no way she would get him a sweet, romantic one. 

The last thing she wanted was for David Rossi to get the wrong idea. She picked up a card with a little girl handing a box to a boy. Happy birthday, it said on the front. On the inside the box exploded in his face. Hope it was a blast, it read.

“This one’s perfect.”

She took both items up to the register. As Erin laid them down she looked at some of the buttons on sale. She didn’t shop in stores like The Empire but it was hard not to look for things for herself.

“Are you interested in anything else today?” the salesgirl asked. She was dressed in an Echo and the Bunnymen tee shirt, had a purple tipped faux hawk, and a lip ring. Her nametag said Leigh.

“No thank you.” Erin shook her head. She pulled her wallet from her satchel purse as the items rang up to $23.64. “Mother, can you cover the cost of the book for me? I'm already spending $25.”

“That’s a lot of money, Erin. Going over that would definitely put David in boyfriend territory.”

“I've thought about that too. Thank you.” Erin took the change and her bag. “David bought me a small but sweet Christmas gift. I didn’t get him anything. Then he bought me the pretty necklace for my birthday a few months ago. I want to do something nice for him.”

“Alright.” Joanna nodded. “We’ll do it then.”

“Thanks Mother.”

When her little girl smiled it made her happy. Erin was surely deluding herself to think she wasn’t in some kind of relationship with David Rossi. Joanna simultaneously thought it was adorable and concerning at the same time. Her daughter was much too young for a boyfriend. Erin was ahead in school having skipped kindergarten. 

She excelled at fencing, and had just given up ballet to devote more time to the sport. Everything she put her mind to, she rose to the top. Joanna didn’t think she needed to put her mind on a boyfriend right now. There was surely enough time to lose her mind and herself to the opposite sex. Erin was fighting it pretty hard but had probably already lost. Since she was going to Barnes and Noble to spend God knows what on a book about serial killers, her daughter’s feelings were all over her sleeve.

“You're welcome sweetheart. I think David Rossi is going to have a really happy birthday.”

***


End file.
